It’s hard for me to ask for help. Is it hard for you?
When I was pregnant with my 5th kid, I often thought, man I need help. I can’t do this by myself. And the first thought that comes to mind is asking God for help. I do that… and I basically beg God for help everyday ha ha. But really.
I was thinking more like, I could use some help around here. Like a persons help. I’ve thought of getting a mothers helper from time to time. But I always wonder, what will they do? What would I specifically ask them to do? Play with the older kids? Play with the twins? Help with the baby?
Then I think, Is it really the kids I need help with? Or is it the household stuff? Like maybe I should get a house cleaner? But then, I still have to pick up before they come over to clean. And once i pick up, the chores are easy! Maybe if I could get the kids to pick up, I could easily clean. (and we do pick up each night but there would still need to be more extensive picking up and de cluttering that needs to happen)
This weekend I read “One Beautiful Dream” by Jennifer Fulwiler. It’s about Jennifer while she was pregnant and caring for her 6 kids and also trying to pursue her passion of writing. One of the things she talked about in her book is that she had a hard time accepting help from others.
I often have a really hard time asking for help, but also accepting help when it is offered. I always feel bad, like shouldn’t I be able to do this? I can’t stand the thought of someone helping me do something I should be doing. Or maybe if I was a little more strict or worked harder or made my kids do more….. Jennifer’s book really got me thinking about all of the times people have offered help and I have turned it down. Like, I know my friend Mandy has offered so many times to come do so many things while I was pregnant and I say no that’s ok… I probably can do it. Jennifer’s realization in the book was that sometimes people want to help and by letting them help you are helping them feel good a needed.
What if God’s way of answering my prayers is having nice friends offer up things for me? What if they are praying for ways they can be more helpful to people. Or what if they are looking for a way to feel needed and wanted? Jennifer had asked her grandpa who loved to cook, to make some church meals she volunteered for but wasn’t able to do. It took all of his energy but he was truly grateful for the opportunity to feel needed again.
I don’t think anyone is really meant to be self sufficient. I often have this feeling of wanting to be self sufficient because we have 5 kids and I don’t want to be a burden to others. I don’t want them to help because I don’t want to have that feeling of not being good enough to do it myself. I know I’m not the only one!
I remember when we had the twins. I hated asking for help. I felt bad my parents stayed with us for so long and cooked and cleaned for us. I felt bad when my in laws came every week and brought us dinner. But the fact was, I needed them. I asked for them to come. And I know there were hard days, but they have both mentioned how they felt happy to help us. It sounds so silly saying it out loud. Of course they wanted to help. I was so humbled by having to ask for help. But yet, I still have problems with it.
I wonder what makes our society that way? That we feel the desire to be self sufficient. I don’t think it’s something that comes from God. I believe it’s something that comes from the Devil. He’s trying to separate us. When God is calling us to community. He’s calling us to serve others.. but also to let others have the opportunity to serve. If we were all self sufficient, how would we serve? How would we have the opportunity to give ourselves to each other? We wouldn’t! But I think the beautiful thing that I need to remember is that we all are lacking in a way. We all need help. We could all use an extra hand. Especially moms raising young kids.
Lord, please help me to be helpful but also to accept the offer of help. Let me let others fulfill their Christian duty to serve.
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